You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.